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Joke of the Day

"America & UK are competing to see who can fuck up their country the most... UK is in the lead... but America has a Trump card."

"I don't kill spiders because when spiders become our mutant overlords and eat us, they will look at me and say, ""She's cool. Let her live."""

"Her: I like risk takers Me:[goes to the McDonalds Drive Thru and places a complicated order. Grabs the bag and drives off w/o checking it]"

"Yo mama's so fat she has titties in the front AND in the back"

"A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff... Baa dum tssssss"

"AI walks to the human AI: ""I relieve you, sir!"" Human: ""I am relieved."""

"A man is in his doctors office. The doctor says ""Sir you need to stop masturbating"". ""Why"" asks the man. The doctor replies ""It's making it difficult to finish the examination""."

"A flash mob has nothing to do with a bunch of Italians in trench coats hanging out at a playground, apparently."

"I'm turning to Reddit to help crowdsource an OC joke about defective condoms but it's all been a bust. You pricks keep poking holes in it."

"I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial."