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Joke of the Day

"I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends. She said ""Yes!"". I said ""Good, because I'm breaking up with you."" Fuck you, Chelsey."

"Why is it called a wonderbra? Because when its opened you wonder where are the boobs"

"I'm my own boyfriend when it comes to farts"

"My SO thinks it's sexy to bite her lip... I haven't got the heart to tell her it should be the bottom one...."

"[end of long conversation] HER: let me give you my number ME: great! [forgot name] how do you spell your name? HER: ME: HER: k-i-m ME:"

"[interview] My biggest weakness is that I'm too literal ""That's fine. Your resume looks good, welcome aboard!"" *turns to whiteboard* welcome"

"Pro debating tip: Shave one eyebrow and draw a new one really high."

"My time machine and I go way back"

"My local newspaper was holding a pun contest. So I submitted ten and I was sure one was going to win, but no pun in ten did."

"OBSERVATION Boobs are proof to women that men can focus on two things at once"