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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction? One's pretty quick, the other's a quitty prick."

"What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything."

"Stop making jokes about noses It snot funny"

"What's the best fantasy book? A bible"

"[sitting at a table] Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across. Me: crosses out and writes new number *thermostat negotiations*"

"Do you know why every new bride smiles? Because she just gave her last blow job."

"Everyone is panicking about the stock markets.... But the 31 foot mexican ladder company I invested in is surging."

"I had a sudden, albeit extremely belated, realization about Jared from Subway His career ended the way it began: trying to get into smaller pants."

"At Walgreens I asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around and looked them in the eyes and said, ""Make it 52""."

"The thing with people who are bad at counting calories.. ..is that they have the figures to prove it"