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Joke of the Day

"<at first day of t-ball practice> Me:What's the first rule here, boys? Kid:Don't poop your pants? M:I was gonna say ""have fun"" but...OK."

"Did you hear about the black guy who was shot 15 times? The police said it was the worst case of suicide they had ever seen."

"If I'm a baker, you're the dough.. I knead you."

"3-year-old: *dumps Cheez-its on the floor* Me: What are you doing?! 3-year-old: Feeding the Roomba."

"I scream, You scream, We all scream because grandma is visiting for Christmas and she forgot her hearing aids again."

"My wife is in a bad mood. I think her boyfriend forgot their anniversary. Way to go, dude. Now we all suffer..."

"Rioters are destroying Baltimore. Don't worry though, all the bookstores are safe."

"My alcohol addiction was so bad i used to drink hand sanitiser! Im clean now!"

"I ate 2 pieces of string... When they came out they were tied together. I shit you knot."

"Dark Humor is like food not everyone has it"