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Joke of the Day

"Ladies, place your heart in the hands of God & he will place it in the hands of a man who he believes deserves it."

"Necrophilia.. It puts the FUN in Funeral"

"I just had sex with a woman who was 101 years old. In binary."

"I just got a job helping a one arm typist do capital letters. It's shift work."

"Squirrels are TV for homeless people"

"Boss: Good suggestions at the staff meeting today, Bill. Me: I talk in my sleep?"

"*draws sword* *erases sword because it sucks*"

"Man at garage: ""Are you claiming this off your own insurance?"" Me: ""Yes. I don't think the deer I hit had any insurance."""

"How did the hipster burn his mouth? he ate the pizza before it was cool."

"Why can Stephen Hawking only do one liners Because he can't do stand ups"