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Joke of the Day

"Ladies, place your heart in the hands of God & he will place it in the hands of a man who he believes deserves it."

"A Muslim, A Commie, and an Illegal Alien walk into a bar.. and the bartender says, ""what can I get you Mr. President?"""

"What do you call someone who crashes flying dinosaurs into buildings? A pterrorist"

"How does one respond to a black guy sending you a dick pic? TL;DR"

"What's the definition of irony? An incongruity between expectation and result."

"911: whats your emergency Me: Come quick, my son has swallowed a condom*Click 911: whats your emergency Me: It's ok, found another one."

"Happy Easter And to the Jews, better luck next time"

"My cat ate her breakfast then vomited it all up. I'm a little worried about her health but she does look awesome in a bikini."

"Did you guys hear about the girl that had three vaginas? She kept getting fucked left, right and centre."

"""We were trapped in the elevator and had to make a terrible decision"" Which was? ""We ate Bill"" OMG. How long were you in there? ""4 minutes"""