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Joke of the Day
"I used to date a periodicals librarian... ...but we broke up because she had too many issues."
Next Joke
"I, for one... is a roman numeral."
"What is Justin Timberlake's favorite river in Russia? Crimea River"
"Girlfriend: ""babe it's hot I need a fan"" [Boyfriend starts taking pictures with her and BEGGING for autographs]"
"You can tell a lot about a person.. by not keeping their secrets."
"What do cats major in college? String theory!!"
"What do you call a shish-kebab at a fancy restaurant? A Shish-ke-Robert"
"My daughter has gotten to the age where she asks me embarrassing questions about sex... Just this morning she asked me ""Is that the best you can do?"""
"HI I SPIT GUM OUT OF MY CAR ON THE FREEWAY AND IT BLEW BACK IN MY EAR 911: Sir, u need to pull over WHAT 911: Use your other ear, sir WHAT"
"If I ever wake up miniature I'm going to use a ravioli as a pillow and just go back to bed."