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Joke of the Day

"The main difference between men and women.... .... is what comes to mind when the word 'Facial' is used."

"'Siri, am I an alcoholic?', I whisper into my burrito."

"What do you get when you cross Donald Trump with Hillary Clinton? A dickless bull that can't fuck its way into the white house. But who tell which is which?"

"What is the difference between the Leaning Tower of Pisa and the Twin Towers? Better reflexes."

"How do you become a millionaire in post-Brexit UK? First, start off with a billion pounds.."

"Why can't the motorcycle get up on its own? It's two tired."

"""I'm a great listener."" - The US government on a first date."

"Why are cows so famous? Because they're out-standing in their field."

"I hate when my congressman emails me to ""take action"" on an issue. Dude, you're the one in congress, you do something."

"[adrift at sea] CLOWN: no worries, we can use this helium canister to propel us to shore ME: *really squeaky voice* we need a different plan"