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Joke of the Day

"Women are like potato chips... They better come with my sandwich."

"I was just reminiscing with my friends about our day out at the clock museum... ...good times!"

"I was nearly crushed under a huge pile of bread. I was in so much pain."

"What is ET short for? Cos he's only got little legs"

"Give a man a fire, and you keep him warm for the rest of the night. Set a man on fire, and you keep him warm for the rest of his life."

"What did Marshawn Lynch say when he went to traffic school? I'm just here so I won't get fined."

"Dogs lick each other's butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians"

"KIDS: [from the kitchen] dad...may we have ice cream? ME: no you may not [long pause] K: dad...may we be forgiven if we already had ice cream?"

"It's OK to pet him. Buffalo are gentle creatures."

"I liked you better before we met."