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Joke of the Day

"One of my exes left me bcuz, according to her, I'll never amount to anything. 15 years later & let me just say this... Lucky guess."

"I don't know what's more disturbing? My son reading a billboard that says ""LIVE NUDE GIRLS"" or him asking if there's dead ones."

"Ask someone how they're doing & they'll say fine. Share with them a random health issue & wait for the 20 min dissertation on their ailment."

"Why did the emo kid leave the bar? It was happy hour."

"People keep telling me that I have no idea what it's like to have no roof above my head I don't think so, I really like the new Porsche convertible."

"These tweets are a lot better if you imagine them being read by Morgan Freeman."

"Why did Adele cross the road? So she could say hello from the other side (If this has already been posted I might cry I thought I made this all up on my own haha)"

"A son runs up to his dad Son: Dad, I'm gay! Dad: Son, I fucked your mother. Son: ... Dad: ... Son: What the fuck? Dad: What? I thought we were saying things that were obvious."

"The worst part of a photographic memory is keeping all the negatives."

"Shout out to all the Aussies over here! Want to hear a joke? :) Tony Abbott"