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Joke of the Day

"If you ever say 'I seen' in a sentence. I will never sleep with you. Under any circumstances. Ever.* *including zombie apocalypse"

"Just got kicked out of Walmart for having a concealed belly button."

"Every time my gf stays over we reenact the last scene from Titanic. She hogs 99% of the bed while I'm in the floor hanging on for dear life."

"A cure has been found for homosexuality. Lip balm you rub it on your arsehole and it keeps the chaps away."

"Joke for any location... I was at a ""place of religion or race"" the other day going through some magazines... ... I was perfectly happy till my rifle jammed."

"I scream, You scream, We all scream Because grandpa fell asleep at the wheel again."

"texas humor sign inside a bar in texas reads: ""we like our beer like we like our violence, domestic."""

"How do you tell a bad joke from a good joke? You skip the punchline."

"Before we start this relationship, I am going to need you to explain a few pics in your Facebook albums."

"I don't want to know the truth. Lie to me and make it ok."