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Joke of the Day

"Women freeze their eggs until they are ready to be a mom? Can I freeze my two year old until I'm ready?"

"How do you know when it's raining cats and dogs... you step in a poodle"

"Any party is an ugly sweater party if you're ugly and you sweat a lot"

"What do you call a guy who fucks himself? [Ethan Hawke](http://i.imgur.com/tXrW7HU.jpg)."

"Did you hear about the guy from Alabama who tried to fuck a clock? He heard time was relative."

"Why are ships referred to as ""she"" A fortune is spent trying to make them look pretty and without a man at the helm, they become an unpredictable death trap."

"A suicide bomber walks into a bar But he doesn't blow up, because it's an Allahu snack bar."

"Last year I joined a support group for antisocial people. We haven't met yet."

"I just want to live in a world where people come with on/off switches."

"Have you ever been to a store that only sells lamps? I've heard it's pretty lit."