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Joke of the Day

"I don't know how some people do it ""4 minute shower"" It takes me like 4 minutes to even get the water to be the right temperature."

"I got approached on a dating website by a midget I asked her what she felt her best attribute was. She responded ""I'm really down to earth."""

"What dogs never get lost? Newfound-lands!"

"Went to see a show about the dictionary. It was a play on words."

"The only honorable thing I've ever done in my life is this girl named Judy. Although, I'm starting to have doubts she was a real judge."

"They say the human imagination is infinite. Try to imagine a new color."

"If people don't wish to discuss the cruel existential futility of all human endeavour they shouldn't say.. ...Good Morning in the first place."

"Think you know guilt? *takes long drag on cigarette* I'm the wildebeest who killed Mufasa. *exhales* I hear Simba's screams every night."

"You ever hear of Randy the Brown Nosed Reindeer? He was as quick as Rudolph but couldn't stop as fast."

"What batteries do turtles use? Durashells"