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Joke of the Day

"How much is a $1,000,000 Bill worth? Nothing! You can't use it anywhere!"

"I saw my ex getting jumped at a party 3 people started beating her up, so I decided to help out...that bitch didn't stand a chance against the 4 of us."

"How do you make five pounds of fat look good? Slap a nipple on it."

"I just paid 400 for a cup. What a mug."

"I hope no one tells the kids in Africa we have forums on our computers where we can just complain about stuff."

"TIFU by taking the wrong baby home from the hospital Oops, wrong bub."

"I'm not a beach, but shore. Cheesy and overused, but always makes me laugh."

"What time is it in New York City? 5 past Lundqvist"

"How many idiots does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Penis."

"In case you wondered how much patience I have for questions today, I just told my 4-year-old the sky is blue because I said so."