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Joke of the Day

"Patient: Doctor you have to help me stop talking to myself. Doctor: Why is that? Patient: I'm a salesman and I keep selling myself things I don't want."

"When I die I want my funeral to be closed casket but like half way thru someone opens the lid and surprise - it's a nacho bar inside"

"How do blind people know where to find Braille signs on walls and doors? They just have a feel for that kind of thing."

"Q: Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? A: They all have phones."

"Some say Ambien and vodka make strange bedfellows. I say what a lovely pancake time machine, Madame President. Also, why am I a table?"

"What letter should you avoid? The letter A because it makes men mean."

"Why didn't the Pharaoh believe he was drowning? Because he was in deNile"

"I'm so terrible at Chess. The only way I'll ever get to say ""Checkmate"" is if I eat at a restaurant in Australia."

"Why are redditors American? Because they always \*tip\*."

"How to clickbait"