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Joke of the Day

"What happened when the astrophysicist lost a competition? He got a constellation prize."

"Friday Fun Fact: There's more time spent installing Adobe updates than the actual use of Adobe."

"More Romantic Than Funny, But Well... A: Knock Knock. B: Who's there? A: Willy. B: Willy who? A: Will you marry me?"

"My dad would always say this, I don't know if this classifies as a joke, but it's funny I'm busier than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest Also: That smell could knock a buzzard off a shitpile"

"Back in the day... ...cars were made in Flint and you couldn't drink the water in Mexico..."

"I'm not a god. I'm a regular guy who just happens to be immortal and perfect in every way. There's a difference."

"Oh yeah!! Well, if smoking weed destroys your short-term memory, then what does smoking weed do?"

"Welcome to the Psych Med Club! We were working on a secret handshake, until we lost interest in the things we once loved."

"My kids are so aware that I'm a bad driver that if I start the car before they have their seatbelts on, they cry."

"A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection The judge says, ""First offender?"" The woman replies, ""No, first a Gibson, then a Fender."""