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Joke of the Day

"A boy wrote Santa: ""please send me a sister"". Santa wrote back: ""Alright, send me your mother""."

"If my cat smoked weed it would be Meowi Wowee"

"Going to watch a movie in theater Me: This movie is pirated Friend: How? Me: This movie has got 3.14 rating"

"I went into a pesticide shop and asked the owner if he had anything for flies. Stupid idiot shat in my hand."

"People tend to think I'm a serial killer.... They don't think that for for very long though!"

"Honesty is the best policy, but I also recommend a lot of life insurance."

"RT if u ever stare at a computer screen for so many hours that ur body ceases to exist and u live entirely within a virtual reality"

"Get rich quick scheme #12 Sell windows/glass in Baltimore"

"Someone at my work stole my microsoft office bundle. I'm going to hunt him down and take it back. You have my word!"

"I get confused by Burqas. I accidentally posted a letter in a Muslim woman yesterday."