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Joke of the Day

"Adele has confirmed that her new album will be called 25... Not for her current age, but for the number of snickers bars she had for breakfast"

"Snooker is like sex. The pink is more valuable than the brown."

"What do you call an alien surfing the Internet? e-t."

"What is your favourite shaggy dog tale?"

"When an avocado and a duck mate, what sound does the offspring make? Guac!"

"I like my women like I like my dick... ...kept in a dark place and taken out to be beaten every once in a while"

"I like my women the same way I like my guns... Black and oily with a sensitive trigger."

"*sees a baby screaming on the plane* wait-- WAIT. WHY IS HE SCREAMING. OH MY GOD WHY IS HE SCREAMING. WHAT DOSE HE KNOW THAT WE DONT"

"Say what you will about the Democratic debate... but Hillary Clinton didn't refer to the size of her penis."

"Of course Bruce Willis is going to keep playing the same movie roles. You know what they say about old habits."