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Joke of the Day

"My friend told me he hasn't pooped in over a month, but I'm not sure I believe him... ...either way he's full of shit."

"What do witches put on their hair? Scare spray!"

"Why do they print nutritional information on Snickers bars? If you don't know candy is bad for you, what are the chances you can read?"

"Why did the pig stop sunbathing? He was bacon in the heat."

"What do truck drivers and porn stars have in common? They both get paid by the load."

"Boxers Last night as I was sitting on the edge of the bed gently pulling off my boxers, the wife said, ""You spoil those dogs!"""

"A programmer goes to do groceries. His wife tell him: -- Buy a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, buy a dozen. He comes back with thirteen loaves of bread. -- But why?, she asks. -- They had eggs."

"What do you call a vet that can only work on one animal? A doctor"

"Just saw an advance screening of Age of Ultron. Spoiler alert: he's 47"

"If you're a kid and have problems with pedophiles... grow up"