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Joke of the Day

"Woman sends emotional text that's 5 paragraphs long. Man responds with ""k."" Woman spontaneously combusts."

"*Jesus looks over bill from last supper* ""It looks like a fair tip would be about 30 silver."" ""I got this!"" Judas yells, almost too quickly."

"When i was a kid we played football on a bit of grass at the bottom of the bridge where people often committed suicide... We used the jumpers for goalposts."

"'sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.' what, am i supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?"

"Right now the owner of Men's Health magazine is beating an editor who forgot to include the phrase 'rock-hard abs' on this month's cover."

"Last month I lost my camouflage hat... I'm not sure how I should feel about this"

"If I do get murdered in this motel, will someone please deduct a star from my review over on Yelp? Thanks."

"While building a windmill I had to go to the restroom. You could say shit hit the fan."

"My dog Minton ate my shuttlecock Bad Minton"

"What is the worlds friendliest aircraft? A hellocopter!"