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Joke of the Day

"Why do women close their eyes during sex? They don't want to see men having a good time"

"I generally don't trim my ear hair until it effects my peripheral vision."

"Money doesn't buy happiness..."

"Chuck Norris' penis has a Ph.D in sexual education. It also has a pretty mean golf swing."

"My grades are getting better Sike, that's the wrong subreddit"

"Coworker: GOOD MORNING! Me: Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee Coworker: But you don't drink coffee Me: Exactly"

"Technically, all vehicles are time machines."

"I don't have to be attractive. I am an asshole. Women swarm to me."

"regrets? [thinks back to the time i drunkenly watched Spy Kids 3-D & it forever ruined my netflix recommendations] yeah i've got regrets"

"Jeff: i'm pro gun. Me: i'm anti gun. Greg: i'm vegan. Me: i'm pro gun, now. Jeff, give me your gun."