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Joke of the Day

"I can't believe they legalized gay marriage. What's Next women's rights?"

"Did you hear about the convention last weekend for women with no legs? There was pussy crawling all over that place."

"Why couldn't Joe get to home? He was a Mets fan."

"So my girlfriend of five years asked me... . . ""Daddy, when is my 6th birthday?"""

"I finally decided I want to be a car mechanic. Guess it just took some motor-vation."

"The last time Twitter was down I was forced to speak to real people. Real people go on and on and on and on, for way over 140 characters..."

"A man asks his dog, ""what's your favorite part of the house?"" ""ROOF!"" Screams the dog. The man asks, ""what's your favorite part of trees?"" ""Chlorophyll,"" says the dog. The man kills himself."

"*opens up briefcase in court, revealing snakes* ""Wait. Then that means-"" [cut to my nemesis waking up surrounded by my opening statement]"

"When I grow old, I am sure I will look back at my life and say ""aaaah! my neck hurts"""

"Stevie Wonder has seven kids But I heard he never sees them."