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Joke of the Day

"Sex is one of the most wholesome, natural things... that money can buy. -Homeless man quoting Steve Martin."

"Him: sex tonight? Me: Work put me in a bad mood Him: tomorrow? Me: I have a headache tomorrow"

"We complain when it's hot. We complain when it's cold. We are such c**ts. That's why ET went home and never came back to visit."

"US Mexicans who support Donald Trump Clearly demonstrate appreciation for a trip to beautiful Mexico. --- ^And ^come ^back."

"There's no I in you. Yet."

"Why doesn't Aaron want to get out of the water, even though he is hydrophobic? Because he enjoys living in denial."

"On a scale of one to ten... ...you aren't getting a helpful measurement of your weight"

"I invented a game where people get so stoned they can barely walk & chase each other around the yard. It's called...wait for it: Hash Tag."

"A child asks his father how to be happy. He replied, ""I never knew what real happiness was until I got married..."" ""...and then it was too late."""

"Just told my four year old daughter there's a skeleton inside of her and made her cry."