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Joke of the Day

"It's not about how she looks, it's all about how she looks at you."

"[answers phone in crowded elevator] give me some good news...HOW contagious?"

"Caught my co-worker MICROWAVING a HOT DOG with a SLICE of AMERICAN CHEESE on it. Don't worry I pushed him out a window."

"I want to put hot dogs on my fingers so I have extra long, floppy, hot dog fingers."

"Where does a homosexual Southerner live? In dick-sea land"

"So lemme get this straight. Han Solo can understand Chewbacca just fine but at age 900, basic English grammar still goes over Yoda's head."

"What did the mother turkey say to her naughty son Tom? If your dad knew how you were acting he'd roll over in his gravy?"

"If you know shes had a bad day just ask her how she is doing. Then when shes talking you can think of a good tweet that makes fun of her day"

"What's the difference between a washing machine and a festie chick... A washing machine wont follow you around all summer after you popped a load in it."

"So I was outside on the farm yesterday when this cow comes charging at me and attempts to jump over the barbed wire fence... It was an udder disaster."