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Joke of the Day

"[SPEED DATING] HER: Hi, is this seat free? ME: By all means. HER: *drags chair across room ME: WTF? HER: *laughing, sits with another couple"

"His girlfriend returned all his letters. I bet she marked them ""second class male !"""

"Sometimes my stomach will make a noise and my brain will be like ok I never signed off on that"

"How do Jewish people celebrate Christmas? They all gather around their cash registers and sing ""What a Friend We Have In Jesus..."""

"Life is like a box of chocolates The fatter you are the shorter it lasts"

"How do you know when your girlfriend is getting fat? She can fit into your wife's clothes"

"Vladimir Putin was recently late to a meeting He was really Russian"

"Why did Jack get a restraining order? Beanstalking."

"What's the difference between a pun and a dad joke? A pun can make you groan, but a dad joke goes even father."

"Can a match box? No but a tin can. (sorry)"