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Joke of the Day

"A priest, a rabbi, and a pastor walked into a bar. And the bartender said, ""What is this, some kinda joke?"""

"[NSFW] What did the sperm cell say when it realized it had just been dumped into an ass, not a pussy? Oh, shit."

"How do you stop a dog howling in the back of a car? Put him in the front."

"Don't anthropomorphize your pets... They hate it when you do that."

"People used to dress as monsters for Halloween. Now they dress as characters from shows you don't watch."

"My girlfriend broke up with me after I said she's half the person I am... I weigh 240 pounds, not sure why she got so mad."

"I just gave my cat a bath. Your move Satan."

"Not a racing fan at all but 3 simple words would have me practically living at the dog track: little monkey jockeys"

"Someone called me a pussy Well, you are what you eat"

"I don't know about you, but I can't wait to be ashamed about what I do this weekend."