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Joke of the Day

"what's common between a puppy and a good book ? both are easy to pick up but hard to put down"

"What can turn a fox into an elephant? A marriage certificate."

"What's the difference between Tim cook and a dead body? Tim cook gets to come out of the closet."

"The scariest moment in the world is when a 3yo looks at you and says CLOSE YOUR EYES AND OPEN YOUR MOUTH"

"What can a man do that is physically impossible for women to accomplish? Orgasm."

"*gingerly maneuvers the garbage can back into place between a stack of crown molding we'll never use and your antique pesticide collection*"

"What do you call a wookie in concentration camp? Jewbacca"

"Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton from a bunch of dead bodies? A: He's the stiff one."

"Solar radiation has turned the American flags on the moon pure white... ...so now it looks like France landed there."

"I was inept with girls in high school. Once I tried to unhook a bra strap and accidentally made a macrame plant hanger."