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Joke of the Day

"May you always be the one looking confused standing in the back of a group selfie"

"Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party? He was looking for a tight seal."

"I hear voices in my head But I ignore them and carry on killing. (Sean Lock)"

"If we were stranded in a desert and a snake bit my penis, would you suck the poison out?"

"Just found out I've been using my Britta pitcher wrong for the last 2 months #nofilter"

"knock knock! who's there? not trayvon martin -- that nigga dead!"

"Is there anything better than being fit and healthy? Yes. Pizza and beer."

"What's the best thing about fucking a 10 year old girl? Flipping her over and pretending she's a 10 year old boy."

"I was invited to a theater to watch a pornographic horror movie... But I was too scared to come."

"Remember to keep the 'inmate' in 'intimate' by getting married."