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Joke of the Day

"Nodding my head like yeah moving my hips like yeah selling my blood like yeah because I made a series of poor financial decisions like yeah"

"Whenever my neighbor looks like they want to speak to me. I collapse to the ground motionless as if I were one of Andy's toys."

"Why isn't there a college in the world of Harry Potter? Because even Magic can't pay your college Loan"

"How are you getting on with the Internet? Surf far so good."

"What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts."

"CNN Poll: 50% of Bernie Sanders supporters drink whole milk, 35% drink 2% milk, and 15% drink skim milk They all hate the 1% though"

"What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back. "

"I hate when people say, ""He's a nice guy once you get to know him."".....So in other words, ""He's an asshole but you'll get used to it""?"

"What is the capital of Greece? They have no capital."

"Instead of throwing the first pitch, it'd be fun if Presidents had to quarterback the first play of a football game."