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Joke of the Day

"Would you like some headphones? The air hostess said to me, 'Of course I would! Oh and how did you know my name was Phones?'"

"If I could time travel I'd go to my funeral and take names of people who seemed to be handling it a little too well."

"Ever heard the one about the shark in the bar Don't worry, its kinda fishy"

"Why did Mary Magdalen love Jesus? *Spreads arms* Because he was hung like this"

"I'm about two tissues away from shoving a tampon up my nose."

"Red Dead Redemption 2 announced! Not. :^ )"

"I pick up hitchhikers cause then when I'm pulled over the weed is his."

"ANIMALS IT'S OK TO KILL IN AFRICA 1. Mosquitoes 2. Terminally ill zebra who signed a DNR 3. The Nazi monkey from Raiders of the Lost Ark"

"My girlfriend turned to me and said ""Dave, I think we've come to the end of the road."" ""Why?"" I said, shocked. ""We're in a river."""

"Never Forget Girl: Can you finger me? Boy: Sure. Girl: Oh yeah that feels good. --------- 1 Day Later ----------- Girl: I'm pregnant. Boy: Dammit I forgot to wash my hands."