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Joke of the Day

"It was 109 degrees where I live today. Now I know what it felt like to be a Jew during World War 2."

"How do you titillate an ocelot? You oscillate its tit-alot"

"""Daddy, are we poor?"" Compared to the vast majority of humans on earth? No. ""Compared to my friends?"" Oh yes, sweety. As the very dirt."

"I have way less energy than your average haunted doll."

"Do you know who has the most home runs in MLB history? Barry Bonds... Do you know who leads the MLB in strikeouts pitched? Nolan Ryan... Do you know who has been hit by the most balls? Liberaci"

"What's black and never works? Decaffeinated coffee."

"Do you know Mike? Mike ock"

"Should I be worried? My son just filed the serial number off his squirt gun."

"*worm surgeon beside worm in hospital bed."" Doc:"" Surgery went good but the floor was slippery and long story short you have a son now."""

"My coworkers and I do this fun thing where they say 'It's so cold out!' and I say 'It's winter' and then we silently hate each other."