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Joke of the Day

"It was 109 degrees where I live today. Now I know what it felt like to be a Jew during World War 2."

"I want to make a special present for my dad's birthday. How do I make a St. Patrick's Day mocha? He says Irish coffee is the only thing keeping this family together"

"I don't drink water anymore, not after what it did to the Grand Canyon"

"No, Karen .... Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh is NOT a Jewish law firm."

"When I said I missed you, I meant with a hammer"

"[talking to bouncer] Me:let me in Bouncer: not after last time Me:would a Washington convince you? Bouncer: no George Washington: c'mon man"

"What do you call sliding into home plate, on a green field in Mexico? Muchas Grassy-ass. I'm sorry."

"I'm going to pay a stranger to cut my head hairs. This is normal and I'm normal for doing it"

"My Shake Weight came in the mail today! Boy, was that a mess."

"TIL that my chemistry professor is a zoophile I walked in on him while he was in his lab"