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Joke of the Day

"I spend most of my time waiting for the next big thing to hate."

"I got an idea for a 90's Mustard Commercial joke but I need some help, so let me ask properly. Pardon Me, but do you have any Grey Poop Puns?"

"[i fall down the stairs & break my back] Me: Siri, call me 911 Siri: okay.. I will call you 911 from now on Me: haha nice Siri: thanks 911"

"I just did all the math and it turns out that girls have tweeted ""Sushi time!"" on 4,362,622,021 different occasions."

"Did you hear about the dumb father who returned from lunch and saw a sign on his door ""Back in 30 minutes"" so he sat down to wait for himself?"

"Putin's message to tourists: Visit Istanbul While he still exists..."

"Stephen Hawking walks into a bar..."

"If John Lennon made a rap song today It would go... I'm in love with the Yoko! Them other Beatles thinking oh no! Now they wanna go solo! But no one give a fuck about Ringo!"

"ME: need help? GIRL (having car trouble): could u give me a jump ME: *inflating the bounce house I keep in my trunk* I thought u'd never ask"

"What is James Bonds code name when he is abroad? +4407"