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Joke of the Day

"Turns out hanging out in sewers eating pizza and practicing karate will not make me an honorary ninja turtle.. Now I just smell like shit"

"Want to hear a quality joke about knives? On second thought, I can't tell it. It's too edgy"

"I went on a date last night with a tiny lobster. It didnt go well. She was a little shellfish."

"A magician turns into a driveway..."

"I wouldn't say I was going bald, but.... When I asked my barber to cut my hair, he replied, ""which one?"""

"Why do lesbians go to modells? Because they don't like dicks"

"""Every family on 2013 had 'quite the year'."" - study conducted using Christmas newsletters"

"My wife just said that Twilight is better than The Lost Boys. I don't think there's a jury in the world that would convict me."

"When the doctor told me that he had fitted a thermostat instead of a pacemaker, I was livid. It made my blood boil."

"What do you get when you cross a dog with an amplifier? A subwoofer."