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Joke of the Day

"Just ran into Bjork walking into her hjotel. Ljoking fjorward to her show at Pitchfjork tjonight (hjoly shit my Icelandic is pjerfect)."

"So there comes a man at the bakery... Bakery closed."

"Marriage: I gave sex up for this?"

"My dad had a heart attack while laughing at his own joke I guess he had to deal with the punintended consequences."

"Curiosity has killed my cat.... At least I think it did. I mistook Schrodinger's box for my cat carrier when I threw the squeaky-catnip-mouse toy in..."

"A bandit walks into an old west bank... and yells, ""alright, I want all you mother stickers down on the ground - this is a fuck up!"""

"""What's your view on lesbians?"" 1080p"

"What kind of computers do chihuahuas like best? Lap-top!"

"What is the first question you ask a baby cow, after its gotten over an illness? How are you vealing?"

"Thanks for wishing me a Happy Monday, you've changed my entire outlook. I don't hate Monday anymore. I hate you. Happy New Sworn Enemy."