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Joke of the Day

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Billy Bragg ! Billy Bragg who ? Billy Braggs too much tell him to stop it !"

"Nice try, blocked number but I don't even answer the phone for people I know."

"I don't believe in ghosts. They're always lying to me."

"""Brian did you remove some of the thread from your shirt logo?"" Me: [clearly enjoying people calling me the Hug Boss] what? No probably not"

"How did the unqualified harp player get into the orchestra? She pulled some strings."

"What did Charles Darwin name his book about food? *On the Origin of Feces*"

"There were hookers talking... Asked the one hooker the other: What do you ask from Santa Claus this year? Oh, just 50 dollars, like always."

"My girlfriend's dog died so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one. She was livid. ""What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"""

"*spin kicks cigarette out of your mouth* Nothing is cooler than health"

"Why are all castles disabled? They all have tur-rets"