145313

Joke of the Day

"Some good advice on how to pick up girls Bend at the knees and lift slowly. Avoid turning or twisting your body."

"My ex dumped me because of my constant Linkin Park references. But in the end, it doesn't even matter."

"Retweet this if you think they should make gallon sized Caprisuns and have it still be a squeezable.. Think about it."

"Did you hear about the math teacher... ...who used a ladder to solve a calculus problem written at the very top of his blackboard? He really rose to the equation."

"It would be funny if after making love to Jennifer Lawrence she stood up & fired 50 or 60 arrows into my sweaty body."

"Bruce Jenner winning woman of the year just proves that men are better than women at everything, including being a woman"

"[Arby's] BRO [jumping into car]: GO ME: it's lunch, not a bank heist B: they put EXTRA CURLY FRIES in the bag M: OMG I'm too pretty for jail"

"I'm dating a supermodel with hemiparesis. She's not half-bad."

"I like sleeping with amish women that way i don't have to call the next day"

"What do men and slurpees have in common? If you don't suck them fast enough they lose their shape."