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Joke of the Day

"Just finished going through the terms and conditions for iOS 6 with my lawyers. Looks good, guys, I think I'm going to accept."

"Weather man said all you need today is sunglasses and sunscreen but I think I'll put some clothes on too."

"Whats Red and bad for your Teeth? A brick."

"How do you make a woman scream twice? Fuck her in the ass then wipe your dick on her curtains."

"What type of bonds deals with the bad guys? James"

"Don't text and drive. Just pull over until you're done using your phone. That's what I do. I've been on the side of the road since 2011."

"I call realtors advertising on bus stop benches and ask them the bus schedule."

"Whats a terrorists favorite dessert flavored ices"

"How can i convince my Buddhist friend that he owes me money from 3 lifetimes ago?"

"The Pizza Delivery Guy said ""Thank you"" but his face said: ""Porn really, really lied to me about what this job was like."""