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Joke of the Day

"How do you cut a Emo sandwich? Trick question, it cuts itself."

"I don't always say 'oops', but when I do, it's usually ten minutes after I have a brilliant idea."

"Do you like apples? How bout I fuck you in the ass, how'd you like them apples!"

"Did you hear about the guy that fell in love with his bag? Turns out he's bi-satchel"

"So PornHub recently revealed what people all over the world were searching most frequently; finally answering a question I've always asked... What is this world coming to!?"

"What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire"

"We need a ride home. ""I called a Gruber"" Don't you mean an Uber? [villain from 1988 Die Hard arrives in black Prius]"

"The problem with cuddling in bed with your true love is that iPhones don't cuddle back."

"I'm off to the store got your wallet? yes you sure? YES *hour later wife turns on news and I'm being chased by 6 cop cars and a helicopter*"

"I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night He hypnotised 7 blokes then dropped the microphone on his foot and said 'fuck me!' What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life"