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Joke of the Day

"Bought the knockoff brand of Frosted Flakes. Their mascot is Carl the Cat. ""They're purretty good!"""

"I've noticed you keep tiny pictures of family members in your wallet. Nice, I didn't know you played. I'm looking to trade my Nana card."

"Thank you, Mario, for rescuing our daughter... So, what now? Like, do we just pay you standard plumber rates? We didn't ask you to do this."

"Germany are welcoming refugees like war heroes because they had never had the chance to welcome the real thing. I'm mean."

"How long does an owl live? About six and a half books."

"Did you hear the dress at the center of the color debate is actually a type of ""sex dress?"" It's just a fucking dress."

"Put a load in the dishwasher last night She was mad I didn't pull out."

"Sorry to interrupt, but the personal story you're in the middle of telling reminds me of how much I love attention."

"What do you call a waffle you drop in the desert? San Diego ^^San-dee-eygo ^^^^sandee-eygo ^^^^^sandy-eggo ^^^^^i'll ^^^^let^^^^myself^^^^out"

"Satan had a busy Christmas... He got a lot of letters from dyslexia kids"