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Joke of the Day

"Bread -mummy I'm tired of always eating bread from yesterday! When will we eat bread that was made TODAY? -tomorrow darling."

"[at dentist] so your X-rays look grea- *phone rings* hold on *on phone* a new engine? jesus, ok so as I was saying you have several cavities"

"Porn I watch so much porn, my screen saver is windex."

"There is this new awesome technology to do group chats... It's called ""put your damn phone away and join the conversation!"""

"How can Rihanna tell when Chris Brown's cheating on her? The brand of makeup on his knuckle isn't hers."

"Noah had a younger brother called Rick who just built a speedboat and saved 9 cheetahs"

"sick of bullshit dui checkpoint profiling just because i'm a white male with the jagermeister logo emblazoned across his truck windshield"

"What do you call Batman when he skips Church? Christian Bale."

"What's the difference between a bear and the Bears football team? Nothing, they both shit in the woods."

"Want to piss your girlfriend off? Text her ""He's busy."" and turn off your phone."