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Joke of the Day

"Today in linear algebra we were ranking matrices I said the first was the best then the second and the third was the worst"

"I'm going to go out on a limb here and fall off obviously."

"A vulture boards a plane... ...carrying with him two dead raccoons. The stewardess says, ""I'm sorry, but we only allow each passenger one carrion."""

"What do you call a tight butthole? a noose"

"I only drink out of jugs labelled XXX and I carry my money in a big sack with a dollar sign on the side. Everyone thinks I'm cool as hell."

"What kind of NUT would make a pie for THANKSGIVING?!? Pecan, typically."

"Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom? A: So she can have a doggie bag for later."

"Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you."

"TIL that there is a subreddit dedicated to praising Nancy Grace for her contributions to modern medical science. LOL! Not really, no. She is a bad person, and should feel bad."

"I think Ronda Rousey would be at a disadvantage if she fought Floyd Mayweather. Mayweather has had practice beating women"