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Joke of the Day

"Why did the opossum cross the road? To get to the middle."

"I ask WebMD to diagnose the weird brown mole I just noticed. ""1. Is it delicious?"" ...Yes? ""2. Were you eating Easter candy in bed?"" ...Oh."

"I'm sorry, but I absolutely detest law firms that do pro bono work. I fucking hate U2."

"What did the druggie do when he got acid? Took some tums"

"What do you get if you cross a Fish and an Elephant? Swimming Trunks."

"Hey girl, are you calculus? Because you're hard to understand and seem pretty useless in the greater scope of my life goals."

"We have much to learn about the fabric of space-time. But we know you can't make a decent sweater out of it. Too scratchy."

"What does an excited karate pupil say to his friend when greeting him? HIYAH!"

"I can't believe after all this shit they're still together! Our ass-cheeks really deserve some respect."

"A journalist is interviewing a five hundred pound man with paper thin skin who is getting a full body skin transplant. The reporter asks if he is excited. He says, ""I can barely contain myself!"""