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Joke of the Day

"Everyone lectures Americans about our politics.. We use our military to lecture the rest of the world's on theirs."

"Waiter this coffee tastes like dirt! Yes sir thats because it was only ground this morning."

"Ladies, please keep it down a bit, a large group of white men are in Washington trying to sort out your birth control."

"I opened a bottle of wine to let it breathe. It didn't. So I gave it mouth to mouth."

"Brand new porn Genres.. Skin cancer victims starring Bernie Peters"

"What did the nurse who knocked on the pregnant lady's door say? Womb Service!"

"How do you tell the sex of an ant? Put it in a bucket of water. If it sinks you have a girl ant but if it floats you have a buoyant."

"What did the left nut say to the right nut? That guy above us is a real dick"

"My yoga teacher is awesome. She really bends over backwards."

"Send a text to your SO exactly this in commas ""You effect me"" (read comments after you have done so 1st) SO: Don't you mean ""affect?"" You: Yeah i forgot the A-Hole. Sincerely, JM"