14430

Joke of the Day

"Another Sunday at Gym Church w/ Pastor Pumpz. We sang ""My Bod is an Awesome Bod"", ""Bod is Great Bod is Good"", and ""Be Thou My Protein"""

"Wife has a fever. Daughter has a fever. Neither are of the ""disco"" variety."

"I've said this to countless medical professionals. Nobody's laughed yet. ""Does my chart say what blood type I have? I can never remember."" ""O+"" ""Oh... [insert troll face] Positive?"""

"viscoelasticity is a bit creepy"

"I bought a book on capitalism... but then returned it because some of the letters were in lower-case."

"I recently did a survey on Syria. The results blew me away."

"When a woman asks me how long I can last in bed I tell her it depends on how long someone brings me food and water but probably years."

"Therapist: what's your biggest issue with your husband? Wife: he gives me no privacy Me: [tapping on window from outside] that's not true"

"What did the green grape say to the purple grape? ""Breathe, dummy!"""

"My dog kept chasing people on a bike.. It got so bad, finally I had to take it away from him.."