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Joke of the Day

"Anyone know the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? You know, besides the taste."

"What do you call a zoo with only Giraffes? Giraffic Park!!!!!!! HAHHHAHAAHHAHAA"

"What does DNA stand for? National Association for Dyslexics"

"Me: coming to the office Xmas party? Steve: no [whispers] Lisa just lost her father Me: there'll be like 50 of us there. We'll help you look"

"I have no problem feeding my kid something that fell on the floor, so I get it, restaurant employees."

"Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out..you have issues bro"

"To the people who have birthdays this week... your parents sure know how to celebrate Valentine's Day!"

"Life is like a pubic hair on a toilet seat... sooner or later you'll get pissed off."

"Blood is thicker than water. Maple syrup is thicker than blood. So pancakes are more important than family. There, I said it."

"Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we ate dinner. We actually talked to each other. It was awful."