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Joke of the Day

"Why was the teacher cross-eyed? He couldn't control his pupils."

"After I orgasm, I yell ""Aaaaand scene."" Then I push him off me, throw him his clothes while holding the door open& say ""Ummm. We'll call u."""

"Man comes to psychologist's office He kicks the door open, enters, leans above the desk, and staring psychologist in the eyes says: ""Now, tell me, bald ugly little man, why I don't have any friends?"""

"How do you get 1000 cows into a barn ?? - hold a bingo !!"

"How high can Miss Piggy count? 68, because at 69 she gets a frog in her throat..."

"[god inventing animals] okay here's a new one. It's an umbrella ""okay"" made out of jello ""alright"" and it electrocutes things ""you're drunk"""

"I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane's dog & she was like, ""I've never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"""

"What's the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my dick up your ass."

"What does a man keep in his pants that often pokes the hole it's poked before? His keys, you filthy-minded bastard."

"I love my cats so much, I love that I get to have these two tiny killing machines cuddled up in bed with me"