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Joke of the Day

"You people from the internet freak me the fuck out."

"Justin Bieber is coming out with an 'Unplugged album'? I hope it's the microphone that they unplug."

"Durex's ""Eggplant Flavoured"" condom won't be the first time a woman's being pleasured by a vegetable. Just ask Mrs. Stephen Hawking."

"I think my family is really going to dig the 15 minute powerpoint I've created of the things I am thankful for at Thanksgiving dinner."

"Why Can't Charlie Sheen Finish the Alphabet? Because when he gets to 'P' it burns."

"I made a joke. I had a threesome once... I think I sprained both my wrists"

"Why did Steve Jobs eat all the cookies? Mac users have no CTRL"

"Stole a bunch of extra long q-tips from the doctor. Who wants to party?"

"I was astonished to learn that the meat in Subway was slaughtered in a traditional Muslim way. I mean how the fuck do they fit a rucksack on a cow?"

"What do you cal a man with no arms and no legs fighting with his cat? Claude"