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Joke of the Day

"You people from the internet freak me the fuck out."

"What are a parrot's favourite literary characters? Mr Macawber and Pollyanna!"

"Kids don't scare me cause their little arms aren't strong enough to swing a chainsaw."

"What happens if a line doesn't get enough Vitamin C? It gets curvy."

"My Favorite Latvian Joke One day, hear knock on door. Man ask ""Who is?"" ""Is potato man. I come around to give free potato."" Man is very excite and opens door. Is not potato man, is secret police."

"Q: Why don't women have men's brains? A: Because they don't have penises to put them in."

"Oh look! A guy with ""Stand-Up Comic"" in his bio unfollowed me two seconds after I followed back. That's never happened before."

"If my open tray table can really hinder a landing we really need to rethink the whole air travel thing."

"I was going to look for my missing watch. but I could never find the time."

"I got a new computer yesterday All it does is sing. I think it was a dell"