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Joke of the Day

"If I was Phil Collins I'd rub my belly after every meal and say 'I'm Full Collins', then insist everyone either laughed or left my house."

"Everyone said I should get a kid I really don't see what all the fuss is about. All mine does is ask 'How long until I can see my parents again?'"

"A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person."

"Last year I was quite miserable and depressed, so I made it my new year's resolution to turn that around. Thanks 2016, you helped me achieve my goal and made me depressed and miserable."

"What happens if a big hairy monster sits in front of you at the movie theater? You miss most of the film."

"Why was the snowman's dog called Frost? Because Frost bites."

"We'd have serious problems if Peter Jackson ever became president. He'd look at World Wars I and II and see them as an unfinished trilogy."

"I have been try to come up with a funny joke about leeches. I couldn't because they all suck"

"What is Worse than Ants in your pants? Uncles"

"Is it bad that when you walk into a room and a persons clothes are hanging up that you think they have new curtains?"