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Joke of the Day

"Smiles from ear to ear. Wife: what are you smiling about? Our dog just took a giant dump in our neighbors yard Wife: God I love that dog."

"What soup weighs the most? Wanton soup. I'll leave now."

"Why did the baker have smelly hands? ...because he kneaded a poo."

"What do you call a voucher for complimentary Chipotle? free coli"

"Welcome to Plastic Surgery Patient Anonymous! I see a lot of new faces here and frankly, I'm disappointed."

"""Knock Knock"" ""Who's there?"" ""Control Freak"" ""Con"" ""Okay, now you say, ""Control Freak who?"""""

"I don't know why smokey the bear carries a shovel, but it scares the shit out of me."

"Farmer Dad: Having a good party son? Farmer Son: No. The music sucks. FD: Well then- FS: Don't. FD: Lettuce turnip the beet."

"If r/jokes was a person, what organ would he be having problems with? De-liver"

"A body was found.... In the bus station early this morning. A man was drowned in milk, buried in Cheerios, with a banana stuxk in his ass. Police suspect a cereal killer...."