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Joke of the Day

"My therapist told me that I'm bad at admitting my flaws. I am not!"

"Friday night. Sitting in a bar. As the designated driver. NO, I'M NOT BITTER. I'M PUNCHING YOU IN THE FACE OUT OF A SENSE OF WONDER."

"When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. That says everything about marriage."

"Why did the bar owner by a diamond mine get arrested? He attributed to the delinquency of a miner."

"How is Mitt Romney like a failed sperm? If you looked at them, you could only see a dick; and both ended up just an inch short"

"My CW just barked. Ok, it may have been a burp, but I'd like him a lot more if he were turning into a dog, so I think he barked."

"So I downloaded a drawing program from the PirateBay the other day... ...it was pretty sketchy."

"I couldn't finish my dinner , so the waitress asked me: ""do you wana box for that ?"" I responded "" no , but i'll arm wrestle you for it """

"Mermaids: Can't live with them, can't beat them in a potato sack race."

"100% of Nickelback fans drive drunk."