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Joke of the Day

"We found out today how many people it takes to hold me down for a flu shot."

"Did you hear about the sign language translator at Nelson Mandela's funeral? Neither did his audience."

"Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces"

"what's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? beer nuts are $1.69 and deer nuts are under a buck"

"I saw Don Draper driving a toupee across a high-wire. Another character driven piece on cable."

"My girlfriend's at home tonight, baking. So hopefully the police don't look in the oven and find her."

"My doctor told me to start killing people. Well, not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing!"

"What do fish use to get high Seaweed ;D"

"Why are the nordic countries the best countries to live in? Their flags are big plusses."

"Why do people wish they had a nickel for every time something happens instead of 5 MILLION DOLLARS?"